is your mom at the bar?
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
