just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
