i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
