Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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