Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
