They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
