Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
