i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
