id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
