doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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