...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
