I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize