hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
