Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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