Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
