the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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