Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
