I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
one might say we're banned from that church
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
