Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
