I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
