you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
