there's paper in my vomit.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
