He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
