Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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