Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
