I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
