Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
