he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
