i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
