I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
