theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
