The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
