just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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