You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
