Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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