Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
