Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
