Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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