She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
