Soap is not a condiment
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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