how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize