ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
