She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's like iHOP with fire
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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