those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
