You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
