One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
