Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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