can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
