This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize