Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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