I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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