i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
