She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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