Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
