that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
