speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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