Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
