i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
