So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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