Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
