No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
