i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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