so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
