Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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