Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
