I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
