oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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