using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
