im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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