You smell like stripper and shame
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
